Ryerson Polytechnical Institution: Ooh. What a scary, official sounding name. Too bad their idea of Polytechnical means they know how to turn a light switch both on, and off. In your face, Poly-annas! TEKERSON TECH RULES!!!!

Harvard: A great school. For IDIOTS.

Yale: Fine, if you're a BONEHEAD.

Massachusets Inst. of Technology: East Coast Suckers.

California Inst. of Technology: West Coast Suckers.

Illinois Inst. of Technology: Midwest Suckers.

Oregon Inst. of Technology: Northwest Suckers. Lordy, I do hate me the suckers.

York University: Oh, I'm sorry, did I say, "York"? I meant, "DORK!" SUCKERS! EAT MY ASTRO DUST!

Vassar: A cute little Girlie school.

Princeton: Beautiful New Jersey. 'Nuff said.

Dartmouth College: This is not the school you're looking for.

College of Aeronautics: In space, no one will know your school is LAME.

Ann Arbor, U-MI : I'd like to check out Ann's Arbor, if you know what I mean.

Carnegie-Mellon: I hear Carnegie's got a nice set of Mellons, if you know what I mean.

University of Toronto (U of T): Oh, yeah, and "U of T" really means, "Uses of Ta-Ta's!". LIKE PUTTING THEM ON MY FACE! WOO! I AM ON FIRE! If you know what I mean.

Skidmore: After a couple of beers, I Skidmore too, if you know what I mean.

University of British Columbia (UBC): UBC stands for, "Ultimate Babe City". YEAH! GET ON IT, LADIES! HOW ABOUT SOME OF MY UBC? "UNBEATABLE BARBARIC COCK-A-DOODLE!" I'M DRUNK! If you know what I mean

NJIT: I'd like to meet a girl with a couple of sweet NJIT's, if you know what I mean.

Champaign-Urbana, U-IL: If Urbana drinks too much of that Champaign, she'll get IL all over U, if you know what I mean,

Dalhousie: I wouldn't mind playing housie with some of the Dolls they got there! If you know what I mean.

Hartwick: I wake up with a Hartwick every morning, if you know what I mean.

UC-Berkeley: If U C Elizabeth Berkley in "Showgirls", you'll get a Hartwick too, if you know what I mean.

Vanderbilt: I like my Vander's to be Bilt, if you know what I mean.

Indiana: I wouldn't mind being In Diana, if you know what I mean.

Middlebury: And we'd all like to be in the Middle of Bury, if you know...Oh hell, I don't even know what I mean.

George Mason: I wonder if he's related to George Jefferson, guy! Weezie!

Kent State: I think Neil Young wrote a funny song about this place! He's got long hair, guy!

McGill: I once knew a girl named McGill, but she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy, guy!

Drexel : This is where they got Drexel's Laboratory! Cartoon!

Caltech: They make robot me's here, guy!

Sheridan College: Here's a poem, guy! Fi-Fi-Fo-Feridan, I like yo' Sheridan! POEM !

UC-Davis, UC: This is named afer Jim Davis, creator of Garfield! Lasagna!

Temple: Of DOOOOOOM! SCARY! Guy.

Duquense: This got a funny name, guy! It makes me think of Ducks! Quack!

Concordia: This is where they make those superfast planes, guy! And they say, "Hi! I'm a Concorde! I'm wicked fast! Visit me in my homeland of CONCORDIA!" PLANES!

LeMoyne: And this makes me think of that cute lil' skunk, Pepe LeMoyne!
Stinky!

WPI: My favoritest T.V. show was Magnum WPI, guy! Hellicopter!

Holy Cross: Holy Cross, Batman, guy! Joker!

U. of Connecticut: This is always ranked as one of the top party schools in the country. More importantly, they have a Dairy Program, which means Ice Cream sodas to die for.

Texas A&M: Originally, this was called, "Texas A&W". And you know what that means. Root beer floats. To die for.

NYU : Good egg creams in this city, but really, I could only see myself spending a semester and a half here, tops.

Humber College: I got Rocko to write my review...lets see what he has to say..."Humber, I don't even know her. Woo." That's rich.

Amherst: One of Kimmy's favorite plays is called, "The Belle of Amherst". Kimmy smells nice.

Rice: Remember that scene in "Lost Boys", when Keifer Sutherland offers that guy some rice, but it turns into maggots? I don't know about rice. I'm a pasta man, myself. Except that sort of looks like worms.

U. of Alaska, Fairbanks: After I spilled my lunch all over myself in front of Kimmy and her friends, transferring here didn't seem like such a bad idea

University of Victoria (UVIC): And Cal wrote me a review of this one..."If U are choking guy, U might wanna try the UVIC MANUVER! PUN!". I need new friends.

Tufts: Apparently, there's a really good veterinarian's school here. So you should go here if you want to be a vet. No joke, really. This is more just sound advice.

RISD: Jesse wanted me to mention that the Talking Heads started here. Other than that, it's kind of fun to pronounce it, "RIZDEE!". And it's not that much fun.

Reed: Named after Robert Reed, T.V.'s Mike Brady. That's not true.

Williams: A great name for anything. I can't put my finger on why. It's just great.